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Do you find it hard to talk about money?

June 7, 2011

We all count the pennies at this time of year as we try to work out how to afford that all important holiday. Perhaps that’s why I’ve had numerous friends and colleagues with just one topic on their mind: money! Actually, it’s not money that’s the topic of conversation, but rather the lack of it…

Delve under the surface though, and it’s clear that there’s something else going on. There are three underlying, fundamental issues that need to be addressed if you’re to be good with money…

The first is self-worth: Until we value ourselves, nobody is going to value us. Do you feel that you deserve to receive abundance – or is there something deep within you that you feel ashamed about and which (unwittingly perhaps) you’re continuing to punish yourself about? What better way to make yourself “pay” for your crimes than keeping yourself short of money!

Take a look around you. Are the people you hang out with flying high, being creative and receiving glorious abundance? Or are they scrimping & saving and moaning about how there’s not enough month at the end of the money? The people around you mirror what’s going on within you. Watch them and learn!

The second is not setting clear enough boundaries: Of course, boundaries and self worth are very much interlinked…until we value ourselves, we don’t feel we have the right to keep anything for ourselves. Instead, we give it all away to others – and then become bitter when we’re left with nothing.

Sharing, creating interdependence and basing life on an attitude of win:win IS what it’s all about – however, being over-generous, refusing to receive and living life on a lose:win basis isn’t spiritual, isn’t clever and certainly isn’t how it’s meant to be!

The third is fear of disappointment: Every single one of us hates disappointment – it’s a kind of horrid rejection with no-one to blame! Because disappointment makes us so uncomfortable, we choose to both deny and avoid it – with the result that we don’t dare actually ask for what we want!  Until we ask for it, we won’t receive it!

But the trick is to ask for it in the right way! Most of us whine or manipulate (at some level) to get what we want – and yet we hate it when they do the same to us!

To ask for something from someone takes courage, humility and strength and of course, whatever else you do, make sure that you base all your requests on win:win!

For the next month: Start to become consciously aware of how you treat money. Examine your beliefs around money and take note of how you behave with it.  Understand that it’s about creating balance – and only when you know how you REALLY behave with money, can you then start to make any necessary adjustments.

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